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Stooli Re-Signs with SU.

The Sens Underground today released a statement announcing the signing of Stooli to a 1 year contract that will see him insulting various segments of their demographic though the 2010-11 season. Terms of the contract were not immediately released but it's believe he will receive a 1 year's supply of cottage cheese and red bull, an open-ended prescription for Ritalin, 2 for 1 coupons for Planet Ink, dinner with Jason Spezza and a full line of Snes merchandise.

Stooli, wingman for Russell and Shredder-er, was not available for comment but Russell was quoted as saying, "Great. Just freakin' great! Another year of apologizing for his dumb ass!" Shedder's only comment was, "Whatever!"

Stooli joined the SU in season 2 and has since insulted or alienated a huge segment of their listening audience, including but not limited to, Muslims, the Irish, the gay community, Nazis, gingers, donkeys, ostriches, Leaf fans (which is ok), giggling drop-passing centers, GM's, marketing dept heads, customers of Lulu Lemon, members of his gym, some ticket-selling guy in New York, some t-shirt selling guy at the NHL store, the women in Russell's family, his wife on their wedding night, his ex-wife on their wedding night, Systine, wives of certain British ex-pats, border guards, airport security and probably the Amish.


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Reader Comments (8)

... don't forget that Josh Delorme kid or whatever his name is ... StooLi's high falsetto impression of him still kills me to this day ...

August 5, 2010 at 11:31 PM | Registered CommenterPuddleduck

i think alienating nazis is probably OK

and also, StooLi looks like a really pissed off mime artist in that photo

August 6, 2010 at 1:48 AM | Registered CommenterThe Apostle

I hope it's a two way deal. He's good when he's interested but some nights he pulls a kovalev and sits there disinterested.

August 10, 2010 at 10:21 PM | Registered CommenterSunburned Senior

BREAKING NEWS: The NHL have overturned the SU signing of Stooli (based on the cottage cheese clause) due to the overabundance of cheese already present in the Underground.

Stooli remains an unrestricted free agent and is currently in talks with various "Hate Speech" and "Douche-Bag" podcasts along with SU.

Alfie be praised!
Drink Bawls
Arse Vagina Scrotum

August 11, 2010 at 8:23 PM | Registered CommenterIvanDaTerrible

Granny hates me a ton now too ... turns out he is a Ginger and I'm not to kind to the disease known as gingivitis.

Did you know that gingivitis is actually in the DICTIONARY? THAT MAKES IT REAL!!!! RUN AWAY!!!

August 12, 2010 at 6:01 AM | Registered CommenterStooLi

Snes Gingers have an exemption.

August 12, 2010 at 11:53 AM | Registered CommenterResigned Russell

One of my sources says that there's a clause attached to the contract, where if the Sens win the cup, Stooli gets a bonus. Rumours are that said bonus would include a "Heatley Sucks" jersey, a picture of Ray Emery and something about showers and bathing suits...

Can anyone confirm this?

September 15, 2010 at 12:46 PM | Registered Commenterdadexter

My sources in the media,(possibly the guy with a nickname like a cartoon bear) advise the SU negotiators narrowly avoided arbitration.What changed? I understand a certain Newfoundlander currently guesting on another podcast was considered for this position? And, are the contents of the current contract written on a certain body part?
Rumors abound!!

September 15, 2010 at 10:33 PM | Registered CommenterHwydog
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